Age 18+ Americans Love Gambling More Than Disney Parks, Survey Says

Which is better?

  1. A) Wasting money to walk around on concrete and stand in line all day, baking in the hot sun while a human-sized perverted rat in suit sings songs off-key to a bunch of pipsqueaks? Or…
  2. B) Staying home—or traveling wherever you desire—in the air conditioning and winning fatty stacks of cold-hard cash with your Benjamin Franklins?

If you chose the former, then you need to get #woke—but if you chose the latter, then congratulations: You are like most American intellectuals who prefer spending your valuable time at only the most revered 18 and up online casinos.

A recent Gallop Poll surveyed 1,025 adults age 18 and older from all 50 states plus Washington D.C. to see how Americans prefer to spend their leisure time. The survey’s questionnaire was conducted from Dec. 2-15, 2019, and serves as an update to a poll from December 2001.

According to Gallop’s findings, Americans adults would much rather gamble and play casino games than visit amusement parks or theme parks—such as Disney, Universal, Six Flags—as well as pee-ew zoos.

The respondents said they gamble at the top 18+ online casinos an average of 2.5 times per year. For comparison, Americans prefer being miserable 1.5 times a year at amusement/theme parks and having goats orally pleasure their food-fisted hands 0.9 times annually at zoos.

Additionally, the survey breaks down the popularity of casino gambling by the adults’ sex, age, income, kids or not, and region.

Men gamble twice as much as women each year, choosing to play casino games 3.4 times per year compared to 1.7 times.

The vast difference is mostly due to the rampant sexism and stereotype-driven propaganda found in today’s media and advertising. Unlike America’s corporatized institutions, casinos treat everyone equally and welcome all people.

Listen, ladies: Nothing is stopping you from gambling at online or even 18+ mobile app-based casinos. Plus, when you win money, if your man treats you well, then you can take him to Red Lobster for a nice dinner.

If he doesn’t treat you right—or he thinks he can control your hard-earned shmoney —then you need to drop that zero and get yourself a hero.

The survey found that age plays a significant factor, and it appears gen z and millennials gamble more often than gen x and ok, boomers.

On average, here’s how often adults gamble per year: 18-29 adults 4.4 times; 30-49 adults 2.9 times; 50-64 adults 1.8 times; 65+ adults 1.4 times.

It’s worth noting the survey only includes any form of “casino” as gambling because everyone knows America’s senior citizens and retired military veteran heroes love to bet it up when playing bingo, Parcheesi, shuffleboard, or any other twilight years leisure activity.

However, if our respected elders knew they could receive winnings at the fastest paying 18+ online casinos quicker than it takes for that stingy, sore-losing neighbor to whip out the checkbook, then they’d definitely pump those rookie numbers up in a heartbeat.

An adult’s net worth shows mixed results, with $100K+ incomes gambling 2.5 times per year compared to 2.2 times for $40K-99.9K incomes and 3.5 times for under $40K incomes.

Our responsible gambling advice: Make more money, so you can gamble more money, and thus win more money. Never choose between food on the table and risking it all on 18+ online slots. But if you got that covered, then by all means: Let. It. Ride.

Adults who have children under 18, visit a casino 3.9 times a year compared to 2.0 times per year for those who don’t. This may be surprising at first, but as a parent, sometimes you need to just go have a cocktail and gamble some earnings—not their college fund or inheritance, obviously.

However, most brick-and-mortar casino establishments in Las Vegas or anywhere won’t let you bring children. Thankfully, the internet exists so you can play casino games or even hop into an 18 and up online poker room while your spawns cut off the circulation of your legs in the comfort of your own home.

Lastly, thanks to being home of the Gambling Capital of the World, it appears American adults living on the West Side play at casinos more often than other regions.

The West gambles 5.1 times per year compared to 3.3 for the Midwest, 1.4 for the East, and only 1.0 for the South.

The South is famous for its love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but there’s a common misconception that gambling is a “sin.”

Winning money and greedily using it for your pleasure, like making it rain on a stripper, is a 1000% sin, but the man above has no qualms if you gamble money and donate the money won to your church or a favorite charity.

There is no commandment or U.S. gambling law that says wagering money at casinos is a sin. But if you keep losing money, then we strongly recommend actually being honest with The Almighty. In other words: Pray harder, heathen.

At the end of the day, here’s the bottom line for your bottom line:

Online casino gambling has never been more popular among age 18 and up Americans, while theme parks are basically donezo.

In fact, to further prove this point: Führer Mickey Mouse and the Disney Empire bought DraftKings Sportsbook and Casino because brainwashing your children into loving lazy live-action remakes just didn’t make enough cheddar.

It’s sad because even the Disney monopoly can’t compete with the world’s premier casinos and 18+ online sportsbooks.

Maybe one day they’ll learn but until then, who do you trust more to safely guard your bankroll:

The House of Mouse that protected scum like Harvey Weinstein and covered up Jeffery Epstein’s private pedo island? Or hard-working casino and sportsbook operators who’ve successfully run legitimate world-renowned gambling businesses legally for decades?

You’re free to do whatever you want with your money, but it’s crystal clear only one of the two choices is unquestionably a safe bet.